


A mouse in the house

by Bablefishmouse



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, No animals were harmed in the making of this fic, mousetraps, no animals are harmed in this fic, no humans are seriously harmed in this fic, small rodent infestation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 04:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4863023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bablefishmouse/pseuds/Bablefishmouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in an idylic post Age of Ultron, where everyone is alive and has moved into the Avengers Mansion, 'cept Thor, he's still soul searching. Everything is fine until... a mouse gets into the house. Can only be described as fluffy crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A mouse in the house

“Barton what are you doing?” Tony Stark walked into the lounge to find the archer standing on the couch, muscles tense, with his bow fully drawn and pointing at the floor. “Seriously. I know Cap said to be vigilant while Jarvis is offline, but-“

“There’s a mouse.” Clint interrupted him.

“Sorry, what did you just say?” Tony paused.

“There is a mouse in this house. I saw it, it went underneath the sofa.”

“That sofa. The one you’re standing on?” Tony asked

“Better vantage point.” Clint said.

“You have a point.” Toy began backing towards the elevator “I will go – go invent something to help>”

“I think a mousetrap’s been done Stark”

“So’s a bow.”

“See but I don’t claim to invent that. I just shoot it.”

“Later Barton.” The elevator doors closed.

“Later Asswipe.”

Which is how Steve Rogers came in later to find two grown men standing on the sofa, Clint still on the edge of firing although he swung around as Steve came in, and Tony Stark standing next to him, with both rupulsor gloves on aiming them at different bits of carpet. The sofa itself was surrounded by tracks of wire, a few boxes, a GIANT metal cage, and a few more conventional looking mousetraps. In-between these were scorched sections of carpet, and some arrows stuck into the floor.

“Imagine I’ve asked.” Was all he said.

“There’s a mouse.” Tony and Clint half yelled .

“A mouse.” Steve said dryly. “A single mouse. Not a herd of killer nanites; not a miniature doombot; not a rumba gone really, really wrong. It’s not even a rat. A single mouse.”

“There might be more than one..” Clint pointed out, somewhat sheepishly.

“Right. So I’ll be drawing, possibly you two, over there if you need me.” Steve said, picking his way across the room. “Oh and Tony,”

“Hmm,”

Steve pointed to the giant cone shaped cage, that was precariously balanced by a stick, over his head. “It might be called a mousetrap, but somehow I doubt it’s very effective.

Ten minutes later Natasha Romanov walked in, swore violently in Russian, and walked out again.

A similar time later someone else was making the same discovery.

“A mouse. You’re making all this fuss over a tiny mouse.” Wanda was more amused than annoyed. “Americans.”

“Hey, I pointed that out too.” Steve looked up from his sketch.

Wanda shrugged “Modern Americans.”

Steve had to smile.

“Where’s the other bird boy?”

“VA meeting. I don’t know whether to be glad or sorry that Vision accompanied Bruce to that scientific conference.” Steve said.

“Glad.”

“Sorry.”

“Both.” Wanda decided with a small smile, “Do you happen to know if the kitchen is free of all this lot?”

“I think so-“ Steve started before Clint interrupted his yelling:

“My food! NOOOOOOOO!” and dived off the sofa, before remembering that there was a mouse, and clambering over the side with indecent haste.

“You alright?”

“Fine.” Hawkeye said, “Wounded Pride.”

“Like you had any of that to start with.”

“Stark.”

“Bruised side.” Clint said, ignoring them.

“Cheers,” Wanda somehow managed to avoid all the traps all the way over to the kitchen. She disappeared for about half a second before popping her head out again. “ Oh and Stark?”

“Yes,”

“Just because it’s called it’s called mousetrap –“

“I know, I know.” Tony grumbled.

Wanda’s brother ran in a few moments later, still slower than he usually was due to his injuries. “So I hear there is a mouse.”

“Modern Americans are mice.” Wanda called through from the kitchen, leading to Steve breaking his concentration again.

“There is apparently a small rodent running around the place.” Steve said. “They’re having trouble locating it.”

“I bet it’s not as fast as me!” Pietro said, before starting to rush around the room, lifting up each bit of furniture he came to and yelling “Here mousie mousie, can’t hide from me”

Steve added him into what, by now, was quite a detailed drawing gleefully, sharing a grin with Wanda. She was not only laughing openly, but was filming the scene.

Tony who, until this point, had been equal parts alarmed and amused, decided that this was enough. “Where the fuck is that fucking rodent? I am fed up. Jarvis is offline for three hours and we have a rodent infestation. To top it all off – you’re runnig around like a mad man, Clint is even worse than he usually is, Steve is being so unbelievably profoundly unhelpful – Thanks Steve.”

“You’re Welcome,”

Tony pulled a face “And Little Miss Magic over there is just filming this en- mouse!”

The small creature in question scurried out from underneath the sofa, dodged the man, repulsor blasts, arrows and chaos magic aimed at it, meandered around all of the intricately laid traps and straight into the feet of the new arrival, who picked her up.

“Hello, where did you come from?” James Rhodes asked, before looking out at the room in general, which was rather full of people doing their best goldfish impersonations. “So what’s going on? Pepper said there was a ‘situation’ and I ought to get here quickly.”

Tony hopped down from the sofa and hugged his arms behind his back. “Barton here was making rather a fuss about a mouse. And no-one else was particularly helpful.”

“Barton huh,” Rhodey grinned.

“Don’t worry,” Wanda called across the room.” “I have video,”

“Not for long you won’t,” Tony sing-songed back.

“I just emailed it to Tasha, so yeah, I will,” Wanda said.

“Look on the Brightside,” Steve said standing up. “At least it probably exposes too much of our security features to post online.”

Just then there was a faint whirring noise before Jarvis asked “Sir, why is there a video of the avengers involving in a mouse chase, that is, as I speak, rapidly going viral?”

Tony sighed. “Because Steve invoked Sod’s Law Jarvis.”

Pietro nodded and said “Even Barton could see that coming.”

“Hey!” Clint yelled, to be ignored by all, before tripping over one of the many wires triggering the BIG mousetrap, that slowly shifted down the pole.

 

“Huh,” Rhodey said looking at it. “You know, mousetrap it may be in name, but it makes a pretty effective Barton trap in practice.”

“Hey!”

“Someone get him some cookies and milk.” Steve said, neatly avoiding setting anything off on his way over to the elevator.”

“Or we could let him out the age?” Pietro pointed out.

“It might be kinder to make Stark clean this up first.” Steve said.

“Yeah, true.”

“OI!” Tony and Clint both yelled at once.

“Don’t leave me in here!”

“I’m not cleaning up!”

Wanda, Rhodey, Pietro and Steve all nodded and said “Definitely kinder.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank-you for reading! Kudos and Comments are love and will be rewarded with Milk and Cookies.


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